Freshman Year

wow, what a year. i moved into this new place 266 days ago. 267 nights ago i lie awake in my bed, so ready to get out of my house. i had been in talks with my future roommate and she was great. my best friend from growing up was on my floor (random?) and her roommate was sweet too. my friends had already left for school and my mom was a nag - i was so ready for bethel.

this year hasn't been anything i hoped for. that can be good or bad. here i sit, ready to move out tomorrow and things are so different. my roommate and i had an on and off year, we had a lot more differences than we thought. she doesn't talk to me anymore. i don't know if it's because she's dramatic, or if i'm too ignorant to know why she hates me.

i sobbed yesterday. for about an hour. my roommate and her boyfriend were sleeping up in her bed and i'm sure they overheard. it's ok though, it's just the release i needed. i'm sure her and i will never talk again, and i guess that's ok. i'm sure she has great reasons for thinking i'm terrible. i know i can be.

i made a vespers team. that was cool. i didn't expect it and i sometimes forget i even play the piano. the other day while relishing in my awesomeness, i realized that my success had nothing to do with me. i got down on my knees and praised Him for blessing me with talents and triumphs. He deserved the praise.

speaking of Him, we've gotten a lot closer this year. before bethel, the bible was a book full of inspirational phrases that could get you through a rough morning. now, i see that God's plan for me is written in the text of this book. i want to know more, i need to know more.

i'm going home tomorrow. for 4 days. then i'm off to lake beauty. this is another change, but this time i know that my new venture won't fix me. i'm not un-fixable though. cuz my Jesus paid it all so i could be fixed.

that's pretty awesome.