thank-full.

there was a very good chance i wasn't going to write this blog. for a number of reasons..thanksgiving was an entire week ago...the story is a bit disturbing...i don't have much wit to throw in it. but after leaving chapel today, i knew i had to.

the speaker said something today that stuck out to me, something i unfortunately identified with. he noted that "right after october 31st, stores skipped right over thanksgiving to Christmas...the next profit-driven holiday. some of you celebrated Thanksgiving last thursday...but i'm guessing what you were actually celebrating was black friday."

there's not much to buy in middle of nowhere montana, but i can identify with not realizing the importance of Thanksgiving.

i bought my train ticket to montana a few months ago and couldn't wait for a relaxing weekend to spend with perhaps my favorite woman in the world. i had twilight in my bag and knew i could have an entertaining read between games of cards and delicious snacks. probably the most ideal weekend i could think of.

Sarah and i hopped on the train late Thursday night. i sat down and the man across the aisle immediately started talking to me. he asked "how are you?" i could tell he was about 30-years-old, mentally handicapped and that he was in complete and utter pain. not physical pain...but emotional pain. as soon as i responded, "i'm alright, how about you?" he burst into tears, literally sobbing uncontrollably. i could hardly understand what he was saying and after asking him to repeat it for the third time i heard loud and clear: "i'm so lonely and no one cares about me."

i immediately froze. what would you say to him in that moment? i had no idea. so i asked him to tell me why he was on the train and where he was going. he asked if he could sit in my seat with me and i knew that this man needed more than anything for someone to listen to him. i responded that my mom would be getting on the train soon, but he could sit on the inside until then. (at this point i was terrified...partly because i didn't know if he could hurt me but mostly because i had no idea how to lift this man up.) i prayed that the Lord would give me the words to say.

he sat in the seat and first told me that he was on the train going to seattle because his family had disowned him. i apologized (which we often do when we hear bad news...) and asked why. he told me that his sister had tried to murder him last week and when he told his parents they told him to leave and never come back. at this point, i can't imagine parents evil enough to disown their severely disabled son, and i had no idea that the evil in this story had barely even begun. i asked him if he was close with his father and he didn't respond. he started to sob again and i put my hand on his shoulder for a few minutes. a few long minutes. when he stopped crying he told me that his own father had raped him. at this point, i was out of words...it was i who could not respond. i began to cry with him, apologizing profusely for what had happened to him. then i asked him if his mother knew about it, and he said that she videotaped it. for someone who talks a lot, i was out of words. there was literally nothing in my vocabulary that i could respond to that with. at that point, my mom was getting on the train so i prayed with him and sent him back to his seat where he continued on being alone.

i couldn't sleep on the train. i was so angry at this world and the evil that is in it. sometimes i think that i've got this Christianity thing figured out - i'm ready for anything God throws at me. but if i heard anything that day from God it was "if you want to get engaged with a lost and a broken world, you have to be prepared for the kind of evil that is out there." but as a Christ-follower, it's not a choice for me. i am called to go out into the world and tell them what the cure for pain is. you are called to go out into the world.

it's not really a suggestion, it's a command.

God will use us in all sorts of different ways, maybe at work or through homeless ministry or through being kind to your checkout lady at target. maybe it's loving someone unconditionally or listening to a man sitting next to you on the train.

i failed. the way this blog is written, i seem like a saint i'm sure. but i'm far from it. the whole time i was talking with him, i was hoping we'd stop soon so my mom would come take his seat and i'd stop feeling guilty about my own life. for those of you that don't know me real well, my career path is evangelism - it's what i'm going to college for. and i failed this man. he knew i was a Christian and i tossed him to the side, just as i'm sure many other Christians had done before. i'm not saying that the Lord couldn't or didn't use my failure, but it exposed me for who i really was. i must live in a bubble if a story like that would leave me absolutely speechless and shocked. if i took a step into the world, i would see it all around me.

people are hurting. everywhere. they may think they know what they need - companionship, love, possessions...whatever fits the hole in their heart for the longest amount of time. but i happen to possess the greatest piece of information that anyone has ever known - a piece of information that would change the world if everyone knew it. it is the cure to every kind of pain.

it's Jesus.

he died for me, but he also died for Hans, the 32-year-old man on the train. he died for the homeless person that is standing on the street corner next to a stoplight you pass everyday. he died so that they may bring their burdens to him, so that he may give them rest.

get out of your house. get out of Bethel. get out of your church walls. get out of your car.

people need your message.

they need the truth.

but if you're going to become engaged with a lost and broken world, you have to be prepared for what's out there.