mammon.

it seems every time God wants to teach me a lesson - he has to beat me over the head with it until i FINALLY get it. maybe it's because he's persistent..or maybe it's because i'm that blind to His ways. God's lesson for Rachel this fall: money. and like i said, he couldn't just give me a little sign - some pretty big financial things have happened this fall. i say these things not for pity [pleaseNO] but maybe you can relate. and learn something. now wouldn't that be cute.

here are God's hammers..in list form. sweet.

1. about a month ago, my wallet was stolen. i have no idea how. i don't know how it was taken. i don't know who took it. all i know is that they spent all the money i had (which mind you, wasn't much) on gasoline. my check card was gone..as was my license. ruh-roh. i had ten dollars in my desk. let's progress this story on to #2.

2. poor me. i have no money. the next day i stumbled across something that struck my fancy. a certain 'benefactor' of mine had overpaid on my bethel account. by quite a bit. money problem solved..withdrawal withdrawal withdrawal. i went from being dirt poor to having more money than i think i've ever had at once. life is great.

3. i decided that my average phone was no longer good enough. there was certainly nothing wrong with it - well, except the startling fact that it was..well..lame. a guy from my church had recently acquired an iphone that he didn't really want and asked me if i wanted to buy it. YES PLEASE. [shell out $150]. no worries..i can get MORE money.

[is anyone else seeing this story getting worse and worse? it's about to take a pretty fateful turn. just you wait.]

4. the world was my oyster..i shopped. and i shopped. nobody knew what i was doing..all they knew was that my clothes were getting cooler..and so was i. sweet life, eh?

5. about a week into my riches, my car broke down. eff. cash doesn't do much when you can't take it anywhere. that's what's nice about having a check card - online shopping. but i didn't have one. eff. there was no way to fix my car until 5 days later when my dad was coming to town. i started to feel fairly unhappy.

6. i knew i couldn't wait 4 days to get my car back, so one day after class i went out to the parking lot and prayed [with all my heart] for my car to start. after all, i needed it to get to my internship - that one for Jesus, you know, at a church - right? it didn't start. again, eff. i called my dad to ask for instructions and after i hung up i set the phone in my lap and tried again. no go. angry, i thrust open the door of my car, angrily got up and the iphone flew. picture this as a movie..slow mo..i watched as the love of my life collided with the pavement. [insert any swear words you can think of]. in two seconds, that $150 piece of glory became a lifeless piece of trashmetal.

7. things went from bad to worse. i had bought a sweet hat with some of my mammon*..wore it twice and proceeded to lose it at the fall retreat. not only that, my scam was up. the money was gone. there was none left. and i had nothing to show for it.

*mammon is the term they use in the Bible for the god of money. fitting, eh?

8. things were not going well for me. i had taken a two week vacation from classes by playing on the internet on my iphone while pretending to listen. one of my profs even pulled me aside after class to let me know he was disappointed in my lack of participation. [yikes..that was not a good feeling.] slowly i started to see God's intricate plan working together.

10. i was reading a book the other day - ha i know! the author was talking about a period of her life where mammon was sovereign in her life. she didn't have much, but she replaced the lack of money with worry. she wasn't trusting God that he would provide the funds for her. [this is one of those moments where i literally felt that hammer crashing down on my head]. not only was i indulging in all of my wants, i was taking them assuming that God would not provide for me. after all, i am working at a non-paid internship and i hate asking my benefactor for money.

11. last weekend i was in charge of a middle school girl small group at church. usually we talk about what it means to be a woman and then go spend $40 on pizza. it's a pretty sweet deal..once a month we get to put it all on the church's tab. booya. [quick note, at this part in the story i am becoming VERY aware of my own personal mammon, and starting to make moves in the right direction]. i decided that $40 of pizza is kind of a waste..and it just happened to be operation christmas child pick up day at my church. [for those of you that don't know what that is, it's a program where you pack a gift and this organization delivers it to a needy kid in a needy country - it's a pretty sweet deal]. i decided that instead we would go to target and spend $20 on a gift for needy children. cute. i don't think my girls were as thrilled about the idea as i was. there were some definite complaints, and they definitely did the math and realized we still had some money for food. they went in search of food before we even finished getting stuff for the gift! i called a team huddle and told them that today was not about us...we were forfeiting our wants so that someone else could get a Christmas present. as they started to realize that, i realized something of my own. what did i care about this gift - the church was gonna reimburse me anyways. after we checked out, i had $4 in my purse. the youth pastor was out of town that week so i couldn't be reimbursed that day and fear overcame me. $4. that's all i had to my name. i had no way of accessing my bank account.

$4fear$4fear$4fear.

12. i have never heard God's voice before. people always say that they hear it, but i've NEVER heard it. on my way home from church that day, i heard it. loud and clear. "trust me, rachel." over and over. "trust me rachel."

"trust me rachel" "TRUST ME RACHEL" "trust me rachel"

13. so i did. even though my gas tank was tipping on empty [ps my dad fixed my car no problem...i think i forgot to say that], i realized that God was sovereign over mammon. i felt the grips of mammon slipping away, and for the first time in a long time, i felt at peace. and by long time, i mean perhaps years. i kid you not, nancy prays daily that i will find peace. i'm so wired all the time, and that doesn't necessarily come from mountain dew.

14. i drive a '97 dodge durango. it gets about 12 miles to the gallon. i filled it up once in july for $85. if you know anything about working at a bible camp, that's about a week's worth of wages. okay, maybe a little less. anyone who has been outside in the last month should know that gas prices are low. and i mean really low. they haven't been this low since before i got my license. a friend owed me some money, and before i knew it, my $4 turned into $24. i put all of that into my gas tank and got 3/4 tank so i could get home for thanksgiving. i prayed as i put that money into my tank that God would protect me and that he would show me that he is sovereign over mammon. he did. nancy had saved up a little bit of gas money for me and was able to fill half my tank. the other half came from emily wunderlich's mom, who paid me for giving her a ride home.

15. today's sermon in church was on luke 16. if you're not familiar with it, it's a rather confusing passage. but there's a verse in there that leaves nothing to the imagination. 'one cannot serve two gods.'

[true that.]

16. so that brings us to today. where do i stand? my Christian life is perfect..God is protecting me..no more temptation..HOLLA. umm..no. i am still a squanderer [ =) ] at heart, and it has its grips on me. its a good thing that God is teaching me this lesson now, considering that my vocation of choice does not have much to offer financially. but i'm starting not to care. i received a letter from a dear friend today who is facing somewhat of an opposite conundrum. she'll be graduating in the spring with a degree in accounting..headed for a life of financial grandeur.

here's what she said: "i need to make sure i'm careful about getting a job but keeping a balance in my soul. am i helping people? am i able to serve God while working 80-100 hours a week and slaving away for worthless praise & prestige? i love accounting. but i also want to keep loving life & enjoying the many blessings i have. i've loved life without loving money so far & i want this to continue. it's so easy to lose sight of this."

she had no idea what i've been going through. but these words literally calmed my soul. if i ever write a book, this quote will be in there. we can all take a lesson from her..wow.

17. considering 17 is my lucky number, this seems like a good place to stop. and i know what you're thinking.."if i ever write a book" - psht she just did, and i just spent way too much time reading it.

i love you. that sounds weird to say to a crowd of people i don't know. but i do. i hope you're more self-aware than i am and that God doesn't need to hammer you. but let me note that if things keep going bad in your life..that's a pretty good sign that God is trying to show you something.

thanks.

so it's an hour into thanksgiving and i'm still awake. so i'll make a list of the things i'm thankful for - because let's be real, God is pretty generous.

1. every one of my sisters. to accurately describe why, well - a blog would not suffice.
2. the fact that i got to work at lake beauty this summer - changed my life.
3. enough money to get by..and even eat every once in awhile!
4. profs that really care...cliche huh?
5. parents that straight up love my mess of a life.
6. my friends from home. that have been with me since the bowl cut. hanging out with them is just bliss.
7. my friends from camp. [no words could fill in this blank.]
8. my roommates. they are ridiculous. they rock my box.
9. mountain dew - sometimes its all that i need to get me through 'new religious movements'.
10. great phone calls. with two people in particular. i hate talking on the phone. but LOVE when they call.
11. hugs. YUP.
12. my vespers team - such great people. and just the opportunity to play piano at all. i love it.
13. life lessons. so many in the past few months.
14. mentors..people worth looking up to.
15. viet and nathan. probably the two best men in my life. i couldn't think of two better guys to be my sister's family.

fifteen sounds like a good place to [pause]. in no way do i only have 15 things to be thankful for, but i think that's just about how much an outsider can read. peace and love.

i'm thankful for you, really.

november playlist.

i figure Christmas is coming up so i should probably post my fav music (for my own sake) before my mind and soul is exploded with love for mariah carey and "all i want for Christmas is you". a quick thought about playlists. knowing who reads this blog i should be careful to post songs that make me look "cool" or "deep", but sorry - i refuse. the songs that make my playlist have to pass one test: i have to be able to be walking with my ipod on and this song needs to make me feel right.

here's what's makin me feel right in novemba:

1. taylor swift - love story
2. hanson - if only
3. sly & the family stone - everyday people
4. michael jackson - black or white
5. radiohead - high and dry
6. matt nathanson - car crash
7. augustana - fire
8. bennett lyle anderson - woe is me
9. guster - center of attention
10. jane monheit - i won't dance
11. blink 182 - all the small things
12. ben kweller - run
13. [okay fine]: mariah carey: all i want for christmas is you

i am phenomenally excited for thanksgiving. some things that will take place:

1. nancy cooking the turkey..to perfection.
2. sarah baking PIE - she promised me some apple.
3. viet setting up the tree.
4. katie and laura doing odd jobs.
5. me avoiding all of it by playing with nathan - hey babysitter is an important job.
6. sarah and i dominating the family in rook..it's tradition.
7. watching home alone - of course.
8. SHOPPING. yesss

have a great t-giving..i dare you.

mary-kate and ashley.

random thought day.

1. my roomies and i did our typical friday afternoon thrifting today and i bought a 3-in-one mary-kate and ashley VHS - for 99cents. of course a marathon is taking place right now. we're watching "Christmas party".

2. the office was hilarious last night. in case you missed it, here is dwight's perfect crime:

"What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier."

3. every time i get into an elevator and look around i stop and think that the people inside the elevator might be the last people i ever see. which is odd because i never think that when i get in a car with someone, or get on a plane. and i'm sure the odds of dying in a plane crash or car accident are much higher.

4. every morning when i wake up for the first time i shoot my arm up in the air..for no reason, at full speed. i can't help it - it's just my initial reaction to waking up. sometimes i hit my lamp and it makes a "ding" noise - like a bell. on good days i'll fall back asleep and have dreams about camp. on bad days i'll really hurt my hand.

5. watching old school mary-kate and ashley makes me really want to watch 'it takes two'. what a quality movie. whatever happened to kirstie alley and steve guttenberg - they were classics.

6. i'm excited for Christmas.

peace.

the bathroom.

watch me first.

watch me next.



here are the lyrics. from what i can gather from the video.

the bathroom is right across the hall
i can hear everything through the wall
the flush alone is enough to shake the earth [twice]
seriously it's annoying
and i'm sick of bein' nice

i hate bein' across from the bathroom
i can never fall asleep at night
i hate bein' across from the bathroom
if i wasn't, it would be a delight

but i'm stuck in this room..oh oh..forever
now i must figure out how to cope

i hate bein' across from the bathroom
i never get my homework done [that's why!]
i hate bein' across from the bathroom
[what rhymes with done? fun? oh!]
i think i'll drop out of school and become a nun
that's the answer
that's the answer

bye bethel i'm leavin'
to pursue my calling
celibacy and black are my favorite
this is the end of the song

BYE.

screen shots.

i've recently discovered a new feature on my computer and i have now become the most unproductive college student ever. screen shots. ridiculous. because it takes up so much of my time, i figured i should show some of my 'artwork' (psht) on my blog. the theme of these screenshots is favorite movie scenes/quotes. kudos if you can guess them all.

and also this. has nothing to do with a movie.

yessssss.

i got a new fridge this weekend.

yessssssss.

life-changing mouth spray.

professor boring.

few things today.

1. i am sitting in a pile of 18 books discussing hermeneutics and the legitimacy of the OT. i'm 3,200 words into a 5,000 word essay that is due in 25 hours. booya.

2. last night i went to get a DEW out of the pop machine since i've sucked my supply dry and the machine ate my money. i don't remember the last time i was that pissed. maybe when someone stole my wallet. but still, i think this was more upsetting at the time.

3. i was in the sem library yesterday looking for a book about judges and came across an exegesis of revelation that was literally written by a dr. boring. i wonder if he knew when he was a child that his last name would be manifested in biblical study. because let's face it, exegesis is incredibly boring.

4. sarah and i went to woltjer family christmas this past weekend, and i was disappointed in how tame it has become. it was a pleasant meal with light conversation. i remember the days when i would unwrap a birdhouse, or perhaps even a porcelain cat for a present and proceed to fake smile for the next hour. i didn't know how good i had it.

5. on the way back from WFC, there was fairly heavy traffic on I94. Ten minutes into the ride a car pulled in front of me with a dead and gutted deer carcass strapped to their trunk. they were in front of me for the next hour and i had to stare into an empty deer carcass for that entire hour. sick.

6. this final note is slightly embarrassing and i don't even know why i would broadcast it. i'm starting to like the band 'hanson'. it's fair to say they've helped me through this paper with their adequate mix of piano and guitar melodies. i refuse to say i love them because that would put two certain people over the edge and i'm not at that point yet. but i enjoy their music.

have a phenom tuesday, please.

elephants.

i had a pleasant walk this morning over to the buildings. the weather's pretty nice and my ipod was serenading me with some cake. [sidenote: wouldn't it be cool if my ipod actually dispensed cake?! preferably chocolate. or jello.] and on this gorgeous walk i got to thinking about being in love. hey, calm down - this is my FIRST love blog. these thoughts came to mind because i was listening to the song 'love you madly' - quite possibly the most unorthodox love song i've ever heard.

'I don't want to wonder
If this is a blunder
I don't want to worry whether
We're gonna stay together
'Till we die

I don't want to jump in
Unless this music's thumping
All the dishes rattle in the cupboards
When the elephants arrive

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

I don't want to fake it
I just want to make it
The ornaments look pretty
But they're pulling down the branches
Of the Tree

I don't want to think about it
I don't want to talk about it
When I kiss your lips
I want to sink down to the bottom
Of the sea

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now, yeah
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

I don't want to hold back
I don't want to slip down
I don't want to think back to the one thing that I know I
Should have done

I don't want to doubt you
Know everything about you
I don't want to sit across the table from you
Wishing I could run

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly'

as ridiculous as this sounds, it actually makes sense. and makes me realize that i've never been in love. [not even with that guy that i fawned over for THREE years in high school..] i've never had this assurance that it's all gonna be okay..that i could spend the rest of my life with that person. but hey..i'm 19, and that's a damn good thing. and i've never had a sea-sinking kiss, not yet. but i have had that feeling sitting across the table wishing i could run. yikes..my black book is on fire. i'm open to the prospect of falling in love..but current status: not in love.

that is all.

sniffles.

vid blog today. sorry about the sniffles.

politicking time bomb.

i have a huge exam today.
which means it would've been a good idea to study a lot last night.
but nope.
i watched election coverage for a good 5 hours.
utterly pointless considering i already knew the outcome.
without further ado, here is my blog on the 2008 election.

this is the first time i've been able to vote, along with millions of other young adults. i wanted to be an informed voter so i did a lot of research. it wasn't until the VP candidates were picked that i was able to firmly decide which duo i would want to run my country. i'm not gonna waste words bashing sarah palin (or sarah failin as brother eric lovingly calls her) because i think she is a well-intended person.

i firmly believe that barack obama is an excellent candidate and will do great things for this country. i've been hounded by some of my christian friends for choosing a "pro-choice" candidate but i will be upfront about the fact that i am also pro-choice. [quick reminder pro-choice does not mean pro-death]. not only am i a christian, madly in love with Jesus, but i intend to spend the rest of my life teaching the love of Jesus unto others. and the Jesus i see in the NT isn't marching down the streets with signs condemning those who are taking advantage of their free will. i take advantage of my free will every day and ya know what..i screw up. a lot. daily in fact. but i refuse to make laws that put God's earthly work in a box to save Him from working through people that have had abortions (!). i personally will never have an abortion, but i'm pretty certain at some point in my life i will use birth control. so where do we draw the line? if my IUD blocks a potential child, does that make me an abortionist? let me just say as a follower of Jesus Christ, i will be the last to point fingers. that's what the pharisees did, and i don't think Jesus liked that too much.

last night when it was announced that barack was our president, i couldn't help but feel proud to be an american. 50 years ago this country was segregated, blacks and whites couldn't even share a sidewalk. and here we are, a black man is now the president of this country. what a huge step, a final move in securing the freedom that everyone deserves in this country. b-rock came from nothing, and now he is president of the greatest country in the world. that's pretty great to me.

finally, this morning i scanned through the dozens of updated facebook statuses since last night. needless to say, i was fairly appalled and offended by the ignorance. people declaring obama un-american, announcing their moves to canada, or overall fear for this country during the next four years. for those of you christians crouching in fear, where is the trust? granted, i am in support of obama, my allegiance is in God alone. i trust that He will lead us and that His will shall be done on earth. you should too. pray about it.

those are my thoughts on politics. see you in four years.

perfect.

if i had to describe this weekend in one word it would be perfect. seriously, there's no other way to describe it. i was at my favorite place, with my best friends in the world, and the weather was amazing. rather than taking paragraphs upon paragraphs to describe the awesomeness of my weekend, i'll leave you with a few pics. peace.

square dance get-up/rock wall racing


dream team missing their 5th member



ben michel playing with bugs