the ekonomik krisis.

here are my thoughts on the economic crisis - and i am indeed qualified to write this blog because:

A.) i got an A (!) in economics in high school
B.) i read the book freakonomics three years ago

therefore, i am an expert. [HA.] let's just forget that i got a C+ in basic econ in college..
___________________________________________________

i just spent the last week in washington DC..and fortunately the hussle & bussle (sp?) was settled for the christmas season. let's go over a quick recap of what is going on in our economy:

..home foreclosures..jobs lost..corruption everywhere..consumer spending all-time low..unemployment darn near an all-time high..etc.

[can anyone else hear that song that was really popular after 9/11 ringing in their head? ..i'm proud to be an american..because at least i know i'm free..]

this whole issue comes down to one thing: self-interest. we are fallen human beings who by [nature] put ourselves first. that is who we are, and that is what we were born with. let me explain this with an example:

when i was in high school my dad put me in charge of a 'walk'ntaco' booth in front of his office for the arts and crafts fair [a 2-day event that draws thousands upon thousands of women to little falls the first weekend of september..]. the first year that we ran it i ended up in the hole - not a dime of profit made. the next year was much better..i made about $500. but i had hired a bunch of my friends and handed them a bunch of cash as well - about another $500 worth. i got to thinking..hey..if i cut them loose next year, i can make $1000! and that's what i did. it was a crazy amount of work, i didn't have two seconds to breathe that whole weekend but i came out of there loaded (and we all know that i love money..refer to my mammon blog..).

this story details a two-day event, not a big deal. imagine people that live their lives like this. cutting hard workers loose (like my great friends) to receive a larger chunk of the profit. it's all about getting more and more money..making a name for yourself on this big ball of matter. giving your kids a life > any of the lives of their friends. having a bigger house to show off when you host ridiculous parties. nicer clothes. yes$yes$yes.

[this concludes part 1 of my blog..Godthoughts coming at the end..wait for it..]

the stock market is plummeting. people are losing thousands of dollars by the day and can't do a damn thing to stop it. retirement funds going up into smoke. college funds-gone. dreams shattered.

my dad is an investment banker and should probably fear for his life. his clients have lost hundreds of thousands of dollars, money they don't know if they'll get back. i was curious about how investments work, so i asked my pa a few questions.

1. Q: "when people are losing 'thousands' of dollars..is that from the initial amount that they put in? or just the interest they've collected?"
A: "the interest rates are so highly inflated that in the past decade people have been making ridiculous gains in investments that weren't ever real. they have this feeling of 'ownership' of this money that they never actually earned." [my version of what ron said..]

an oprah 'AHA' moment: what's better than hard-earned money? money we didn't earn! i can only imagine the dollar-signs in the pupils of the investors throughout the early 2000s as their money doubled, maybe even tripled. and all they had to do was put their in a roth ira. (ps i technically don't know what that is..but it's some sort of high-earning investment). why do you think credit card debt is so high? [hint: credit card lines are money that we didn't earn either..].

2. Q: "will [the market] bounce back?"
A: "eventually. it always does. but it's gonna be a long time. this recession is not going away any time soon, and it will be a miracle if we don't slip into a depression. but for now, people have got to restructure their spending, and start leaning on money that they actually have."

i get the impression that when he says 'actually' he's referring to the amount of money that is written on your paycheck and put into your bank account.

[conclusion]

if there's anything that i wanted to get across in this blog is that as much as we want to point the finger at someone 'high up' for screwing us over, the problem lies within us. we think we deserve more than what we earn, and what we have is never enough.

i don't think there is a specific word in the Bible for the 'god of self' (maybe i just haven't found it yet..), oh but that's the biggest god that we have to fear. again, luke 16 says: one cannot serve two gods. it does. not. work.

i saw a story on the news while i was in DC (i kid you not, the ONE positive story i heard on the news my whole trip) that proves my point:

a cookie company in ohio has been facing a lot of trouble with our current economic situation. [which i find ironic because this economic crisis just makes me want to eat more cookies, but that is neither here nor there]. they've made cuts left and right, in hopes of not having to close down altogether. in all, they've laid off 60 employees, as of the beginning of december. right before Christmas..that just plain sucks. two guys decided to buy out the cookie company with the surplus of money that they themselves had. they were able to hire back all 60 employees by spending their own money and get them back on the assembly line two weeks before Christmas. on top of that, they gave every employee a $1600 visa gift card to show them that "things were going to be different from now on". quick recap: in the course of 2 weeks, these employees lost their jobs, were re-hired, and now have $1600, no strings attached.

the news coverage didn't mention if these two guys were Christians, and i guess i can't really say if they were for sure or not. but they could've taken their money (that i don't know where they got, but that's irrelevant) and hoarded it for themselves to protect their future, but they didn't. and SIXTY people (and families) will benefit because of it.

can you imagine if we lived in that kind of world? what if all employers did that? what if they reached into their deep pockets and put others first?

i'm sure an economist would read this blog and think i'm stupid. this situation can only be solved by equations and barack obama. b-rock (who i did not see on my trip btw), is the savior of not only this country, but the world.

i voted for barack obama, because voting was my duty and i believed he was the better candidate.

but the Savior of the world came 2008 years ago. and is coming again to clean up this mess.

can't wait.

merry christmas!

SNL.

i'm not much of a tv-watcher. i used to be a so-called 'tv junkie' in high school, but i've gotten over the habit - i pretty much am down to my thursday night office-watching.

one show that i've always had the hardest time letting go of, however, is saturday night live. anyone remember the glory days of will ferrell/ana gasteyer/molly shannon/chris kattan? gah, how i miss those days. as they fizzled out, SNL rebounded with the likes of jimmy fallon/tina fey/maya rudolph - also greats.

let's talk about the current state of SNL. ouch. it's been a rough couple years. the skits are horrible, i don't remember the last time that i've watched a full episode. weekend update has been crap-on-a-stick ever since TF/JF left the show. garbage.

until this season. granted most of the skits have sucked, the political commentaries were hilarious. the vice-pres impersonators were glorious. tina fey was born to play sarah palin. i almost voted for mccain/palin until i heard that tina would not be coming back to SNL even if they were victorious.

someone who deserves their own paragraph in my blog would be kristen wiig. i've been watching SNL for about ten years, and no woman even compares to the hilarity (is that a word?) this woman brings to the table. she's ridiculously versatile and i can guarantee you my 5 favorite characters are played by her. [judy grimes being #1]. seriously luv her.

okay, let's get on last week's episode. i watched it on tivo today in its entirety. hugh laurie (of house fame i believe..) was hosting, and let's just say he wasn't the funny part. it was amy poehler's last episode (and let's just say, it's about time - she's had her run), and it was phenomenal. maya rudolph came back to do 'bronx beat' (one of my favs) and it was phenom. i won't go into detail about the whole episode but it was great. [minus kanye west, you're really not as cool as you think you are, ya gold digger.]. weekend update was hilarious..the 'really' sketch had me rolling - "$50 worth of circus tickets". [i really hope JD saw it.]

christmas is a season for hope. and i have that hope for SNL. give it a chance. all i want for christmas is kristen wiig to make sweet jokes to me all night long please.

continuing on the 'SNL' note - i cannot WAIT for jimmy fallon's new late night talk show. conan + jimmy fallon - could my weeknights get any better? i'm definitely not a leno fan - call me a cynic but i don't laugh at people who can't write their own jokes. in case you'd like a taste of the upcoming glory, check out jimmy's vid blogs: http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/

[p.s. jimmy fallon and i are now facebook friends - HOLLA. and shutup, it's actually him.]

merry christmas - please go watch last week's sketches on the website. unfortunately they have not posted the new bronx beat, but here's the link to an older one: grrrrrreat.

tough tacos.

-six

update.

WOW. as i was perusing my course lists for next semester i stumbled across something unexpected. by some add chance, bryan anderson was able to re-take his ID photo (!).

[WHAT THE HECK.] i had the flu when i took mine and they wouldn't let me retake it.

anyways, thought i would post a little before-and-after for ya.

(PS i will be taking "natural resources: use them or lose them" from him next sem. NICE)

[take 1]

[take 2]

in case you're confused, reference point:
http://wodiz.blogspot.com/2008/09/id-badges-are-long-overdue.html

christmas KKS.

okay, this blog has been a long time coming. for those of you that don't know what KKS is, it stands for 'knick-knacky shit'. [excuse the language..]. now that you've heard this phrase, you will realize how much KKS is strewn about this earth. KKS has many categories: christmas KKS, cat KKS, birdhouse KKS, happy meal KKS. pretty much anything you can think of, KKS is being manufactured to honor it.

but let's talk about christmas KKS. you don't think it exists? HA. walk into your local thrift store. DO IT. also a large contributor to the world of Christmas KKS: oriental trading. they might as well rename their company. check out their website if you're bored: orientaltrading.com. the term KKS was invented by Sarah M. Woltjer - i think due to a bad roommate, but her history also had a lot to do with it. every year at my grandparents' christmas we would receive the ultimate KKS. candles, birdhouses, porcelain cats (in dresses no less). oh how i wish i would've kept them. they were usually regifted (if i was feeling mean) or tossed in the trash shortly thereafter.

my point being: if you receive KKS this year for christmas, don't be disappointed - you are now a member of my new KKS club! congrats.

okay this blog is TWO PARTS - SWEET!

for those of you that already saw the office this week, pats on the back for you. for those of you that are behind the times..take the 24 minutes and watch it now:
http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/video/episodes/#vid=877661

this week's episode was phenomenal for many reasons: meredith..well just meredith, phyllis, interventions, but most of all: princess unicorn. WOW. i was doing a little research to see if this doll was actually real, and stumbled across this website:
http://www.princessunicorndoll.com/index.shtml

let's just say it was a little early, and i was fairly convinced it was real. either way, i love the 'caution' portion of the website.

• Wash hands thoroughly after handling Princess Unicorn.
• Do not play with Princess Unicorn if you are allergic to lead based paint.
• The spike on Princess Unicorn is incredibly sharp, so Princess Unicorn can pierce the sky. It can also pierce your skin. Handle with care.

hilarious.

i'm going to study. PEACE - have a phenomenal saturday, i hope you're still sleeping.

jehoahaz the first.

there is nothing better than receiving a PO full of love. today was that day.
nanc sent me a gas card and...wait..a chipotle (!) gift card. it does not get ANY better than that.
and also, my g-ma (who is getting a bit older..) sent me a christmas card. the only problem was that she forgot to write in it. so i got an envelope with a blank card in it. but still - it's the thought that counts. if you'd like to contribute to the joy, my address is

3900 bethel drive #3025
saint paul, MN 55112

so now my blog-readers have my phone number and address. stay tuned for my social security number. also i've been meaning to give a shout out to chrissy and morgan for actually calling me when i gave out my phone number..made my day. you girls are just great. and Jesus does have a last name - it's Christ. i'm sure princess genevieve and i will spend every waking second of break reflecting on the greatest cabin ever.

this next week is gonna be great.

• my italian stallion is coming home for christmas..i haven't seen her since august. SWEET.
• rook party tomorrow night..yessss.
• late night DC - for BETHEL students (cole!)
• liz and i are having a post-finals chow session, followed by the annual elf-watching/nap.
• christmas banquet saturday at international market square.
• going home on tuesday. nancy asked for a 'meal request list' - i love my mom.
• i'm getting a haircut - i haven't gotten one since that black lifeguard (tiffanie? rebecca?) from camp chopped an inch off on the backporch of the lodge.
  

and much more i'm sure.

hope finals are going swimmingly for you all. drink lots of dew and think of me.

good study albums:
guster - guster on ice (live from portland)
hanson - underneath
wicked OST
dispatch - gut the van (live)
mariah carey - merry christmas

in case you were wondering, here is the order of the kings of judah:

reheboam
abijam
asa
jehoshaphat
jehoram
ahaziah
athaliah
joash
amaziah
uzziah
jotham
jehoahaz 1
hezekiah
manasseh
amon
josiah
jehoahaz
jehoikim
jehoiachin
zedekiah

barack obama's family dinner.

holla2.doc

some random thoughts have been accumulating.

1. ya know how you never notice something until someone points it out, and then you see it constantly? that thing for me this week has been people dressed monochromatically. everywhere i go there are people wearing the same colored shirt as their pants. khaki, navy, RED, you name it - they are walking around bethel.

2. waffles are my favorite food. buttering waffles is one of my least favorite activities. catch 22.

3. my friend omega was talking about her twin sister at dinner the other night. was it wrong of me to assume that her name as alpha?

4. the jewish invasion of our room continues. tiffany's door is now covered with random jewish things she's printed off. some of these include:

• a can labeled 'mountain jew'
• the phrase "i'm not a full-blooded jew, i'm just jew-ish"
• a woman seductively holding a menora, while wearing a loin cloth with the star of david on it

5. "walk into burlington coat factory with $645 and you are a king."

6. i left camp 4 months ago today .. that's weird.

7. tiffany and i are having a half-birthday rave on monday, you are invited.

8. i am PSYCHED for finals week. minus the tests, it is the greatest week of the semester. bethel's pres and greatest profs making us omelettes in the DC at midnight, free massages, lack of sleep, the end in sight ... yes please.

9. i've come to the conclusion that guster + dispatch would be the best concert ever. so gentleman, if you take me to that concert i will marry you on the spot.

10. that's all folks.

PEACE.

screw.

i'm not much for email forwards, but this one was pretty great.

but first, a corresponding office quote:

Michael: When I said before that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who's just delivering drugs from one guy to another.

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HOW MANY MINNESOTA COLLEGE STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

1. At Bemidji State University, none, Bemidji doesn’t have electricity yet.

2. At Bethel, it takes none. They don’t screw.

3. At Carleton, it takes two. One to change the bulb and one to explain how they did it every bit as well as any Ivy Leaguer.

4. At Concordia, it takes ten. One to figure out how to screw it in, nine to find an ugly enough lampshade to match their school colors.

5. At Gustavus, it takes six. One to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

6. At St. Kate’s, it takes seven and each one gets four semester credit hours for it.

7. At Hamline, it takes three. One to change the bulb and two to phone a friend at St. John’s to get instructions.

8. At Macalester, it takes four. One to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get high off the old one.

9. At Mankato State University, it takes 1, but it takes him 6 years.

10. At Moorhead State University, it takes 3, one to change it and 2 to crack under the pressure.

11. At St. Ben’s, it takes 4,one to change the light bulb and 3 to figure out how it will help them meet their future husband.

12. At St. John’s, it takes none. We get the Young Tommie Girls to do it for us, and they make us lasagna.

13. At St. Mary’s, it takes five. One to change it and four to talk about how they would have done it in Chicago.

14. At St. Olaf, it takes 100. One to change it, 49 to talk about how they do it better than Carleton, and 50 who realize it’s all a lie.

15. At St. Thomas, it takes eight. One to change it and 7 to talk about how they wouldn’t have gone to St. John’s/St. Ben’s even if they could have gotten in.

16. At University of MN St Paul, none, down town St. Paul looks better in the dark.

17. At University of MN Twin Cities, 4, one to change the bulb, and three to write up a complaint to the Board of directors stating that they could have gone to a better school If they had wanted.

18. At the University of MN Duluth, the whole student body, there’s nothing else to do in Duluth on the weekends.

19. At University of MN Morris, it takes 1; he just holds the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

20. At Winona State University, it takes 3, one to change it and 2 to figure out how to turn it on.

21. At St. Cloud State University, “who gives a crap… let’s drink in the dark!!!”

22. At Northwestern, it takes the whole student body, on their knees in the chapel praying that God would please show us His light instead.

jungle gym.

we're bffs. i'm his favorite aunt. he's a squirmer. and a star. love the kid.




p.s. this took 8 takes.

ridiculously great day.

to quote one of my best buds: i'm having a ridiculously great day. here's why:

1. i woke up at 10:23am. HOLLA.
   
2. i'm wearing moccasins.
3. i was blasting the wicked soundtrack this morning as i was doing some hw...defying gravity is nothing short of famazing.
   
4. my roommate tiffany was decorating our room this morning with piles of jewish KKS. seriously, we have a "star of david" sticky on our window. she's not even jewish. not to mention the menora sitting in her room, with the word 'shalom' written behind it.
   
5. my friend a-town developed the term 'asian scarf club' as a way of describing the fact that all of our female asian professors wear scarves. when an asian professor walked past our table today at lunch, tiffany mumbled 'asian scarf club' - which lauren misheard as 'asian sky bowling'. i seriously can't make this crap up.
6. tiffany wanted a banana 'for the road' when we were leaving the DC and literally pushed people out of the way to get the last one. students, professors, workers...all for a freaking banana.
   
7. my professor in my pastoral ministry class was talking about spiritual powers today and referred to the popular fictional character "harvey potter". he then went on a 5 minute tangent about unicorns.
8. we are analyzing the 'smash hit' the net in my media comm class. if you haven't seen it, it is by far sandra bullock's worst film. and let's face it, there's a lot to contend with when it comes to terrible sandra bullock films.

it is only 2:38. and this is the best day ever. i'll be sure to publish another post if the day gets any better, which i doubt it even could.

in the words of my 'jewish' roommate - mazal tov!

mammon.

it seems every time God wants to teach me a lesson - he has to beat me over the head with it until i FINALLY get it. maybe it's because he's persistent..or maybe it's because i'm that blind to His ways. God's lesson for Rachel this fall: money. and like i said, he couldn't just give me a little sign - some pretty big financial things have happened this fall. i say these things not for pity [pleaseNO] but maybe you can relate. and learn something. now wouldn't that be cute.

here are God's hammers..in list form. sweet.

1. about a month ago, my wallet was stolen. i have no idea how. i don't know how it was taken. i don't know who took it. all i know is that they spent all the money i had (which mind you, wasn't much) on gasoline. my check card was gone..as was my license. ruh-roh. i had ten dollars in my desk. let's progress this story on to #2.

2. poor me. i have no money. the next day i stumbled across something that struck my fancy. a certain 'benefactor' of mine had overpaid on my bethel account. by quite a bit. money problem solved..withdrawal withdrawal withdrawal. i went from being dirt poor to having more money than i think i've ever had at once. life is great.

3. i decided that my average phone was no longer good enough. there was certainly nothing wrong with it - well, except the startling fact that it was..well..lame. a guy from my church had recently acquired an iphone that he didn't really want and asked me if i wanted to buy it. YES PLEASE. [shell out $150]. no worries..i can get MORE money.

[is anyone else seeing this story getting worse and worse? it's about to take a pretty fateful turn. just you wait.]

4. the world was my oyster..i shopped. and i shopped. nobody knew what i was doing..all they knew was that my clothes were getting cooler..and so was i. sweet life, eh?

5. about a week into my riches, my car broke down. eff. cash doesn't do much when you can't take it anywhere. that's what's nice about having a check card - online shopping. but i didn't have one. eff. there was no way to fix my car until 5 days later when my dad was coming to town. i started to feel fairly unhappy.

6. i knew i couldn't wait 4 days to get my car back, so one day after class i went out to the parking lot and prayed [with all my heart] for my car to start. after all, i needed it to get to my internship - that one for Jesus, you know, at a church - right? it didn't start. again, eff. i called my dad to ask for instructions and after i hung up i set the phone in my lap and tried again. no go. angry, i thrust open the door of my car, angrily got up and the iphone flew. picture this as a movie..slow mo..i watched as the love of my life collided with the pavement. [insert any swear words you can think of]. in two seconds, that $150 piece of glory became a lifeless piece of trashmetal.

7. things went from bad to worse. i had bought a sweet hat with some of my mammon*..wore it twice and proceeded to lose it at the fall retreat. not only that, my scam was up. the money was gone. there was none left. and i had nothing to show for it.

*mammon is the term they use in the Bible for the god of money. fitting, eh?

8. things were not going well for me. i had taken a two week vacation from classes by playing on the internet on my iphone while pretending to listen. one of my profs even pulled me aside after class to let me know he was disappointed in my lack of participation. [yikes..that was not a good feeling.] slowly i started to see God's intricate plan working together.

10. i was reading a book the other day - ha i know! the author was talking about a period of her life where mammon was sovereign in her life. she didn't have much, but she replaced the lack of money with worry. she wasn't trusting God that he would provide the funds for her. [this is one of those moments where i literally felt that hammer crashing down on my head]. not only was i indulging in all of my wants, i was taking them assuming that God would not provide for me. after all, i am working at a non-paid internship and i hate asking my benefactor for money.

11. last weekend i was in charge of a middle school girl small group at church. usually we talk about what it means to be a woman and then go spend $40 on pizza. it's a pretty sweet deal..once a month we get to put it all on the church's tab. booya. [quick note, at this part in the story i am becoming VERY aware of my own personal mammon, and starting to make moves in the right direction]. i decided that $40 of pizza is kind of a waste..and it just happened to be operation christmas child pick up day at my church. [for those of you that don't know what that is, it's a program where you pack a gift and this organization delivers it to a needy kid in a needy country - it's a pretty sweet deal]. i decided that instead we would go to target and spend $20 on a gift for needy children. cute. i don't think my girls were as thrilled about the idea as i was. there were some definite complaints, and they definitely did the math and realized we still had some money for food. they went in search of food before we even finished getting stuff for the gift! i called a team huddle and told them that today was not about us...we were forfeiting our wants so that someone else could get a Christmas present. as they started to realize that, i realized something of my own. what did i care about this gift - the church was gonna reimburse me anyways. after we checked out, i had $4 in my purse. the youth pastor was out of town that week so i couldn't be reimbursed that day and fear overcame me. $4. that's all i had to my name. i had no way of accessing my bank account.

$4fear$4fear$4fear.

12. i have never heard God's voice before. people always say that they hear it, but i've NEVER heard it. on my way home from church that day, i heard it. loud and clear. "trust me, rachel." over and over. "trust me rachel."

"trust me rachel" "TRUST ME RACHEL" "trust me rachel"

13. so i did. even though my gas tank was tipping on empty [ps my dad fixed my car no problem...i think i forgot to say that], i realized that God was sovereign over mammon. i felt the grips of mammon slipping away, and for the first time in a long time, i felt at peace. and by long time, i mean perhaps years. i kid you not, nancy prays daily that i will find peace. i'm so wired all the time, and that doesn't necessarily come from mountain dew.

14. i drive a '97 dodge durango. it gets about 12 miles to the gallon. i filled it up once in july for $85. if you know anything about working at a bible camp, that's about a week's worth of wages. okay, maybe a little less. anyone who has been outside in the last month should know that gas prices are low. and i mean really low. they haven't been this low since before i got my license. a friend owed me some money, and before i knew it, my $4 turned into $24. i put all of that into my gas tank and got 3/4 tank so i could get home for thanksgiving. i prayed as i put that money into my tank that God would protect me and that he would show me that he is sovereign over mammon. he did. nancy had saved up a little bit of gas money for me and was able to fill half my tank. the other half came from emily wunderlich's mom, who paid me for giving her a ride home.

15. today's sermon in church was on luke 16. if you're not familiar with it, it's a rather confusing passage. but there's a verse in there that leaves nothing to the imagination. 'one cannot serve two gods.'

[true that.]

16. so that brings us to today. where do i stand? my Christian life is perfect..God is protecting me..no more temptation..HOLLA. umm..no. i am still a squanderer [ =) ] at heart, and it has its grips on me. its a good thing that God is teaching me this lesson now, considering that my vocation of choice does not have much to offer financially. but i'm starting not to care. i received a letter from a dear friend today who is facing somewhat of an opposite conundrum. she'll be graduating in the spring with a degree in accounting..headed for a life of financial grandeur.

here's what she said: "i need to make sure i'm careful about getting a job but keeping a balance in my soul. am i helping people? am i able to serve God while working 80-100 hours a week and slaving away for worthless praise & prestige? i love accounting. but i also want to keep loving life & enjoying the many blessings i have. i've loved life without loving money so far & i want this to continue. it's so easy to lose sight of this."

she had no idea what i've been going through. but these words literally calmed my soul. if i ever write a book, this quote will be in there. we can all take a lesson from her..wow.

17. considering 17 is my lucky number, this seems like a good place to stop. and i know what you're thinking.."if i ever write a book" - psht she just did, and i just spent way too much time reading it.

i love you. that sounds weird to say to a crowd of people i don't know. but i do. i hope you're more self-aware than i am and that God doesn't need to hammer you. but let me note that if things keep going bad in your life..that's a pretty good sign that God is trying to show you something.

thanks.

so it's an hour into thanksgiving and i'm still awake. so i'll make a list of the things i'm thankful for - because let's be real, God is pretty generous.

1. every one of my sisters. to accurately describe why, well - a blog would not suffice.
2. the fact that i got to work at lake beauty this summer - changed my life.
3. enough money to get by..and even eat every once in awhile!
4. profs that really care...cliche huh?
5. parents that straight up love my mess of a life.
6. my friends from home. that have been with me since the bowl cut. hanging out with them is just bliss.
7. my friends from camp. [no words could fill in this blank.]
8. my roommates. they are ridiculous. they rock my box.
9. mountain dew - sometimes its all that i need to get me through 'new religious movements'.
10. great phone calls. with two people in particular. i hate talking on the phone. but LOVE when they call.
11. hugs. YUP.
12. my vespers team - such great people. and just the opportunity to play piano at all. i love it.
13. life lessons. so many in the past few months.
14. mentors..people worth looking up to.
15. viet and nathan. probably the two best men in my life. i couldn't think of two better guys to be my sister's family.

fifteen sounds like a good place to [pause]. in no way do i only have 15 things to be thankful for, but i think that's just about how much an outsider can read. peace and love.

i'm thankful for you, really.

november playlist.

i figure Christmas is coming up so i should probably post my fav music (for my own sake) before my mind and soul is exploded with love for mariah carey and "all i want for Christmas is you". a quick thought about playlists. knowing who reads this blog i should be careful to post songs that make me look "cool" or "deep", but sorry - i refuse. the songs that make my playlist have to pass one test: i have to be able to be walking with my ipod on and this song needs to make me feel right.

here's what's makin me feel right in novemba:

1. taylor swift - love story
2. hanson - if only
3. sly & the family stone - everyday people
4. michael jackson - black or white
5. radiohead - high and dry
6. matt nathanson - car crash
7. augustana - fire
8. bennett lyle anderson - woe is me
9. guster - center of attention
10. jane monheit - i won't dance
11. blink 182 - all the small things
12. ben kweller - run
13. [okay fine]: mariah carey: all i want for christmas is you

i am phenomenally excited for thanksgiving. some things that will take place:

1. nancy cooking the turkey..to perfection.
2. sarah baking PIE - she promised me some apple.
3. viet setting up the tree.
4. katie and laura doing odd jobs.
5. me avoiding all of it by playing with nathan - hey babysitter is an important job.
6. sarah and i dominating the family in rook..it's tradition.
7. watching home alone - of course.
8. SHOPPING. yesss

have a great t-giving..i dare you.

mary-kate and ashley.

random thought day.

1. my roomies and i did our typical friday afternoon thrifting today and i bought a 3-in-one mary-kate and ashley VHS - for 99cents. of course a marathon is taking place right now. we're watching "Christmas party".

2. the office was hilarious last night. in case you missed it, here is dwight's perfect crime:

"What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier."

3. every time i get into an elevator and look around i stop and think that the people inside the elevator might be the last people i ever see. which is odd because i never think that when i get in a car with someone, or get on a plane. and i'm sure the odds of dying in a plane crash or car accident are much higher.

4. every morning when i wake up for the first time i shoot my arm up in the air..for no reason, at full speed. i can't help it - it's just my initial reaction to waking up. sometimes i hit my lamp and it makes a "ding" noise - like a bell. on good days i'll fall back asleep and have dreams about camp. on bad days i'll really hurt my hand.

5. watching old school mary-kate and ashley makes me really want to watch 'it takes two'. what a quality movie. whatever happened to kirstie alley and steve guttenberg - they were classics.

6. i'm excited for Christmas.

peace.

the bathroom.

watch me first.

watch me next.



here are the lyrics. from what i can gather from the video.

the bathroom is right across the hall
i can hear everything through the wall
the flush alone is enough to shake the earth [twice]
seriously it's annoying
and i'm sick of bein' nice

i hate bein' across from the bathroom
i can never fall asleep at night
i hate bein' across from the bathroom
if i wasn't, it would be a delight

but i'm stuck in this room..oh oh..forever
now i must figure out how to cope

i hate bein' across from the bathroom
i never get my homework done [that's why!]
i hate bein' across from the bathroom
[what rhymes with done? fun? oh!]
i think i'll drop out of school and become a nun
that's the answer
that's the answer

bye bethel i'm leavin'
to pursue my calling
celibacy and black are my favorite
this is the end of the song

BYE.

screen shots.

i've recently discovered a new feature on my computer and i have now become the most unproductive college student ever. screen shots. ridiculous. because it takes up so much of my time, i figured i should show some of my 'artwork' (psht) on my blog. the theme of these screenshots is favorite movie scenes/quotes. kudos if you can guess them all.

and also this. has nothing to do with a movie.

yessssss.

i got a new fridge this weekend.

yessssssss.

life-changing mouth spray.

professor boring.

few things today.

1. i am sitting in a pile of 18 books discussing hermeneutics and the legitimacy of the OT. i'm 3,200 words into a 5,000 word essay that is due in 25 hours. booya.

2. last night i went to get a DEW out of the pop machine since i've sucked my supply dry and the machine ate my money. i don't remember the last time i was that pissed. maybe when someone stole my wallet. but still, i think this was more upsetting at the time.

3. i was in the sem library yesterday looking for a book about judges and came across an exegesis of revelation that was literally written by a dr. boring. i wonder if he knew when he was a child that his last name would be manifested in biblical study. because let's face it, exegesis is incredibly boring.

4. sarah and i went to woltjer family christmas this past weekend, and i was disappointed in how tame it has become. it was a pleasant meal with light conversation. i remember the days when i would unwrap a birdhouse, or perhaps even a porcelain cat for a present and proceed to fake smile for the next hour. i didn't know how good i had it.

5. on the way back from WFC, there was fairly heavy traffic on I94. Ten minutes into the ride a car pulled in front of me with a dead and gutted deer carcass strapped to their trunk. they were in front of me for the next hour and i had to stare into an empty deer carcass for that entire hour. sick.

6. this final note is slightly embarrassing and i don't even know why i would broadcast it. i'm starting to like the band 'hanson'. it's fair to say they've helped me through this paper with their adequate mix of piano and guitar melodies. i refuse to say i love them because that would put two certain people over the edge and i'm not at that point yet. but i enjoy their music.

have a phenom tuesday, please.

elephants.

i had a pleasant walk this morning over to the buildings. the weather's pretty nice and my ipod was serenading me with some cake. [sidenote: wouldn't it be cool if my ipod actually dispensed cake?! preferably chocolate. or jello.] and on this gorgeous walk i got to thinking about being in love. hey, calm down - this is my FIRST love blog. these thoughts came to mind because i was listening to the song 'love you madly' - quite possibly the most unorthodox love song i've ever heard.

'I don't want to wonder
If this is a blunder
I don't want to worry whether
We're gonna stay together
'Till we die

I don't want to jump in
Unless this music's thumping
All the dishes rattle in the cupboards
When the elephants arrive

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

I don't want to fake it
I just want to make it
The ornaments look pretty
But they're pulling down the branches
Of the Tree

I don't want to think about it
I don't want to talk about it
When I kiss your lips
I want to sink down to the bottom
Of the sea

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now, yeah
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

I don't want to hold back
I don't want to slip down
I don't want to think back to the one thing that I know I
Should have done

I don't want to doubt you
Know everything about you
I don't want to sit across the table from you
Wishing I could run

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly'

as ridiculous as this sounds, it actually makes sense. and makes me realize that i've never been in love. [not even with that guy that i fawned over for THREE years in high school..] i've never had this assurance that it's all gonna be okay..that i could spend the rest of my life with that person. but hey..i'm 19, and that's a damn good thing. and i've never had a sea-sinking kiss, not yet. but i have had that feeling sitting across the table wishing i could run. yikes..my black book is on fire. i'm open to the prospect of falling in love..but current status: not in love.

that is all.

sniffles.

vid blog today. sorry about the sniffles.

politicking time bomb.

i have a huge exam today.
which means it would've been a good idea to study a lot last night.
but nope.
i watched election coverage for a good 5 hours.
utterly pointless considering i already knew the outcome.
without further ado, here is my blog on the 2008 election.

this is the first time i've been able to vote, along with millions of other young adults. i wanted to be an informed voter so i did a lot of research. it wasn't until the VP candidates were picked that i was able to firmly decide which duo i would want to run my country. i'm not gonna waste words bashing sarah palin (or sarah failin as brother eric lovingly calls her) because i think she is a well-intended person.

i firmly believe that barack obama is an excellent candidate and will do great things for this country. i've been hounded by some of my christian friends for choosing a "pro-choice" candidate but i will be upfront about the fact that i am also pro-choice. [quick reminder pro-choice does not mean pro-death]. not only am i a christian, madly in love with Jesus, but i intend to spend the rest of my life teaching the love of Jesus unto others. and the Jesus i see in the NT isn't marching down the streets with signs condemning those who are taking advantage of their free will. i take advantage of my free will every day and ya know what..i screw up. a lot. daily in fact. but i refuse to make laws that put God's earthly work in a box to save Him from working through people that have had abortions (!). i personally will never have an abortion, but i'm pretty certain at some point in my life i will use birth control. so where do we draw the line? if my IUD blocks a potential child, does that make me an abortionist? let me just say as a follower of Jesus Christ, i will be the last to point fingers. that's what the pharisees did, and i don't think Jesus liked that too much.

last night when it was announced that barack was our president, i couldn't help but feel proud to be an american. 50 years ago this country was segregated, blacks and whites couldn't even share a sidewalk. and here we are, a black man is now the president of this country. what a huge step, a final move in securing the freedom that everyone deserves in this country. b-rock came from nothing, and now he is president of the greatest country in the world. that's pretty great to me.

finally, this morning i scanned through the dozens of updated facebook statuses since last night. needless to say, i was fairly appalled and offended by the ignorance. people declaring obama un-american, announcing their moves to canada, or overall fear for this country during the next four years. for those of you christians crouching in fear, where is the trust? granted, i am in support of obama, my allegiance is in God alone. i trust that He will lead us and that His will shall be done on earth. you should too. pray about it.

those are my thoughts on politics. see you in four years.

perfect.

if i had to describe this weekend in one word it would be perfect. seriously, there's no other way to describe it. i was at my favorite place, with my best friends in the world, and the weather was amazing. rather than taking paragraphs upon paragraphs to describe the awesomeness of my weekend, i'll leave you with a few pics. peace.

square dance get-up/rock wall racing


dream team missing their 5th member



ben michel playing with bugs

looks like someone took the slow train from philly.

sermon on the blog.

i spent some time yesterday reading through my old blogs. some of them are funny. most of them are pointless. a few are personal. i mentioned God in two of them. way to go pastor rachel - two whole blogs! most of my blogs are littered with sarcasm..a great humor tool. mm. i bet 9/10 of my "readers" have stopped reading -- they've already navigated back to their facebook pages or maybe even shut their computers. so i write to the one who will listen.

sometimes i get so wrapped up in theology..[exegesis..biblical history..understanding..etc..] that i forget about how absolutely amazing the saving power of Jesus is. i spend hours a day trying to get to a place where i can be smarter than someone else at something. but God didn't make it complicated..that was never His intent. He sent His son..a perfect sinless being..to give hope. sometimes i feel so hopeless..i've screwed up again..add that to the list i'm gonna see at the end. there's no list. there's no list.

my mom showed me this youtube video the other day and i shrugged it off. something told me to watch it again, and it spoke truth into my life. so to the hopefully one person that is still reading this, please watch this video. take 8 minutes, and watch the whole thing. and think about what you would put on your cardboard box. think about the front. but then think about the back. because really, that's all that matters. Jesus covered that sin a long time ago.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ

compare yourself to these people. do you think you're better? do you think you're worse? the first time i watched it, i thought i was better. my problems are not that big. the second time i watched it, i thought i was worse. my problems aren't forgivable.

to those who can identify with that..read this simple verse. and don't just scan it and nod because you've read it before, actually read it.

[ephesians 1:7 -- in Him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace]

my spiritual life is a mess..i will spend the rest of my earthly life putting it back together. i hope you can identify with me on this one..you're not the only one who feels that way.

God is so good. so good. think about that.

the dingo.

this past week i've been carsitting for TJ while she and my dad are in hawaii. as much as i enjoy driving on someone else's gas and driving a smaller vehicle in general, it really made me appreciate how much i love my dingo. here are some reasons why:

1. who would want to accelerate to full speed when it can take 5+ minutes?
2. i like the way the sun shines through the bullet hole crack in my windshield. it's like God's way of telling me he loves me. and my environmentally conscious self.
3. if i wanted to, i could drive an entire mormon family to church.
4. "the smell" - at least kayla and abbey will understand what i'm talking about.
5. i actually slow down for speed bumps while i'm driving in it because if i don't, my head will hit the ceiling.
6. i like the scratchy noise the drivers side speaker makes when i'm playing a cd.
7. leather interior..best seating money can buy.
8. every time i fill up my tank i'm reminded that lake beauty was the best place to work this summer, and each week's wages contributes almost enough to get me a tank!
9. no matter how many times i fill my front left tire, it will still deflate. which is desirable because it gives me a cushiony feel.
10. i can transport a multitude of things in the back: a computer chair, a washing machine, a large family, and perhaps a tiger.

i'm sure dodge will find this blog and come knocking on my door to see if i'll join their advertising team. because there is not even a hint of sarcasm in this whole blog. holla.

procrastination was a baaaad choice.

usually my blogs are well thought out and organized, but today i have an abundance of thoughts and i'm going to throw them together in the most confusing way possible. continue reading..

1. i'm writing a paper right now about jon foreman's song "your love is strong". i'm attempting to understand the lyrics, which as i've said before i never care to do. but hey, if you haven't heard that song, it is great. as is switchfoot.

2. i am currently (along with my favorite brother) $70 over on my phone bill. upon reviewing the many (?) excessive phone calls i made, it came down to about 3 people. and let me just say, i've only known them for just over 4 months. whoops.

3. my friend (whom i will call, um..dorothy..) and i were in market last week and a fairly sketchy guy sat in the booth next to us. he was very forward and brave (is that the right word?) and ended up asking dorothy for her phone number. do you want to know what his choice for their first date was? he wanted to take her to the dog pound to look at dogs. yes kids, he did. luckily he gave her a heads up so she could 100mph in the other direction. for my male readers, first dates should be a little more clever and a little less grungy.

4. wednesdays are incredibly busy. class from 12:30-3:00. internship right after until about 8:30. then vespers practice from 9-11. gee. i'm thinking i may have to call my old friend "MD'' to assist me in my all nighter for my pastoral ministry exam tomorrow.

5. this is the dumbest blog ever. i'm sorry you read it. i'm sorry i wrote it. get back to your homework.

6. read will's blog, he's funny, and a dear friend. and also single. williamkornbaum.blogspot.com

child prodigy.

let me give you five reasons why my nephew is better than yours.

1. he's asian
2. he watches the office
3. he has a fohawk
4. he's asian
5. he's a child prodigy: piano style.

as if that wasn't enough evidence..here are some vids from our little play date yesterday.

little boxes made of ticky-tacky.

today, i went to the bethel/johnnies football game. [we won]. i was sitting in front of 3 freshman girls that, well i don't even know how to describe them. so i will just record some of the conversations that they were having:

girl 1: so, like, i learned what a concussion is today. it's when your head gets bumped and your brain starts bleeding.
girl 2: oh really? i thought it was just like your brain expands.
girl 1: no, like it bleeds, inside your head. that's why cornell can't play right now. [quick note: his name is tim CORNISH and his brain is definitely not bleeding].

girl 1: gosh, i was so nervous the first time i did laundry, like my mom was SO worried.
girl 2: i'm not even going to risk ruining my clothes, i had my mom come pick them up yesterday.
girl 1: you are so wise.

girl 1: no like i really think he likes you. he added YOU on facebook, not the other way around.
girl 2: well i don't even know if that means anything, i mean he has like 200 facebook friends that are girls. and like 20 of them live in edgren.
girl 1: it's okay michelle, just be yourself and he'll love you.

girl 1: i really don't want to get married until i'm at least a junior in college.
girl 2: really? but what if you meet the one?
girl 1: well, we could get engaged i guess. i just want to live with my girl friends all through college, ya know?
girl 2: yeah, totally.

this concludes the convos that i can remember. and is also a symbol of why you should mock bethel every chance you get. i aspire to be like these girls in every way. and that's why you read my blog, because i'm cool.

my 17.

1. take the long way to class.
2. pop some popcorn.
3. make a list of reasons why your favorite place is your favorite.
4. listen to the beautiful letdown album in its entirety.
5. listen intently to a lecture.
6. watch anchorman.
7. go out for chipotle.
8. turn off your phone for a day.
9. say self-sustaining scallop farm 10x fast.
10. snuggle with a friend.
11. sleep in on a weekday.
12. send a letter to your grandma.
13. call someone you haven't talked to in awhile.
14. do something BA.
15. host an office marathon.
16. drink a dew.
17. make your own 17.

take 5.

so if i had to narrow down my five favorite bands, i could do it. easily. i was discussing lyrics with a friend this weekend and decided that i don't really care about them. i'm much more into musical skill and technique, and i guess overall sound quality. if the lyrics are dece, sweet. if not, i just tune them out. don't get me wrong, i'll never play "Colt 45" as a lullaby for my children. i have some boundaries. here we go.

5. david crowder band.

• seen live: 4x
• their music is nearly impossible to recreate
• his beard. also nearly impossible to recreate
• love the slow stuff..love the fast stuff.
• favorite song: foreverandeveretc.
  

4. nada surf

• seen live: 1x
• 3 members in the band & still so quality
• lyrics are actually pretty great
• their bassist looks like capt. jack sparrow
• favorite song: imaginary friends

3. cake

• seen live: 1x
• them singing sober would just be wrong.
  
• lyrics are so pointless it is glorious.
  
• they covered a song by bread. cake made bread better.
  
• favorite song: short skirt, long jacket
  

2. switchfoot

• seen live: 8x
• never been disappointed by a show
• the beautiful letdown is perfection in an album.
• tim foreman is going to be the father of my children.
• favorite song: faust, midas, and myself

1. guster

• seen live: 0x (!!!!)
• been a fan for about a year, can't get enough
• i would pay an inelastic sum of money to see them live
• hearing the live version of demons gave me chills
• favorite song: too many
  

sugar high.

i'm on an incredible trip right now. i had my midday dew about 8 hours ago and i still have not come down from it. as i twitch, these are my current thoughts:

1. the minnesota twins > your favorite thing.
2. i heart lovedrug. almost enough to skip the fall retreat. almost.
3. two of my favorite people alive are at the hanson concert right now, which is almost enough to make me go to a hanson concert. almost.
4. mountain dew = nectar of the gods.
5. bensonwells is suckier than the suckiest band you've ever heard. and i have a poster of them hanging above my desk.
6. jim and pam are engaged. and stanley/phyllis/kevin are getting liposuction.
7. i want to express my inner anguish through the majesty of song.
8. fewer things trump the deliciousness of charlie's pizza.
9. there is a pirate flag in my bathroom.
10. i'm almost finished with my october playlist.
11. i'm obsessed with pandora.

cakewrecks.

my blog is no longer worthy of your time. thanks to cakewrecks.blogspot.com, my blog now sucks. go read that one. it's hilarious. if it doesn't make your day, i will give you $4.

"I don't have any money, I get paid for dogsitting in pizza."
-- an unnamed nearly 22-year-old

song of the day: sweet & low (augustana)

have a good night!

last night after class i made a quick target run for some "personal items". there was only one checkout line open (of course) and the cashier was of the male persuasion. it's not a problem for me, but these types of men always make buying tampons awkward. after i checked out he serenaded me with the classic "have a good night!" and i couldn't help but think..

it is the first day of my period. of course i'm not going to have a good night. i'll probably be cranky, eat a lot of chocolate, and do a good deal of moping around. but thanks for the encouragement.

on the flip side...

in my good ol' days as a CSR (customer service representative) at superamerica, we were trained to say "have a good .. (fill in what time of day is left)". and of course attach it with a "genuine" smile. one time a greasy-type man came in and bought a pack of condoms. the economy pack. he was clearly quite proud of his purchase and let me know with a wink. on his way out i fulfilled my duties and gave him the line. i couldn't help but think...

of course he's going to have a good night. he's a perv. or maybe he just bought them to show off? what a waste of $8 if so.

this ends my thought for the day.

i wear my sunglasses at night.

so i love sunglasses. no really, i LOVE sunglasses. i own a double-digit amount of pairs and quite honestly use only two or three of them to actually shield the sun. no, wearing sunglasses is an art.

here's the saga of my sunglasses history. in 9th grade i found the perfect pair of sunglasses. they were the greatest. whenever they were on my face i felt alive, no one could bring me down. i wore them occasionally at soccer practice and even dubbed the name "j. wo". cool right? well, one of my sisters (who shall remain unnamed) stepped on them mere weeks after i got them. i was crushed. this will stand out as the worst day of my freshman year, perhaps my life. luckily i went back to the store in the mall and they still had them, so i bought two pair. a decent investment if you ask me. well time goes on, and i ended up losing the first pair and dropping the second. i went back to the store yet again, but this time they no longer had my favorite pair for sale. i bought three other pairs to serve my broken heart.

ever since this saga took place, i have been obsessed with sunglasses. i buy at least one pair every time i go shopping - sometimes two. or three. i was modest and only brought 6 of them to camp with me this summer. and sported them always. indoors, at night, pretty much anywhere but chapel (God's place). i had two favorites at camp this summer, one of which was stolen, broken, and feebly returned (again, unnamed), and the other was lost in the shuffle of packing. which friends, is the sole reason i was having camp withdrawals. juuuuuust kidding. but seriously.

to end this post i will honor your eyes with a fashion show of a few of my current collection. peace out.

quote of the day calendar

quick blog today, i'm important and i have things to do.

for christmas katie gave me a quote of the day calendar from "the office". i like to have a ceremony each morning when i rip off yesterdays quote and then i look to see how today's quote is going to apply to my life. hardly ever does it apply to my life, BUT i was looking through some old quotes the other day and hit the jackpot. on may 28th (the first day of staff training) the quote was:

"open that top button, let those things breathe." (michael, in reference to pam's blouse)

and i didn't, that's probably why i got such a slow start.

wedding bells.

every once in awhile, there is an event. an event so epic that a blog isn't even worthy of reporting it. but this so-called "rachel's reality" will attempt to explain the sequential events of this past saturday: a woltjer wedding.

sarah and i decided to carpool from the "greater metro area" to st. cloud to meet up with my dad and TJ. good times are always had in a car ride with sarah. we can discuss issues such as: our grandfather's criminal history, false depression interventions, and also the intensity of the weeds finale (she's pregnant!?). upon reaching st. cloud, we joined vehicles with our friends ronald and t-jen. [sidenote: i have quite the history of car rides with those two. my dad finds it necessary to find the smallest rental car possible whenever we go on vacation, and proceeds to leave the person behind the driver's seat with 2.5 inches of leg-room. don't even get me started.] our car ride was fairly uneventful, i'm sure sarah and i told my dad at least 49 times to turn down NPR because the reason he couldn't hear it is because the speakers were located in the back of the car, not the front. hence turning it up louder only served to deafen those located in the backseat. not that hours of speculation about sarah palin's pregnant daughter isn't my cup of tea...

somewhere along the two hour car ride, sarah and i discovered a few of tj's hats in the back of the car. of course it was time for a fashion show. not gonna lie, that kept us entertained for a good ten minutes.


when we reached new london, my father realized that he had forgotten to get his niece a card. nice. sarah, being the mature adult in the family, had a card but had already sealed it. ronald insisted that she tear it open so he could put some money in it and sign his name. he rifled through his pockets and found $41 of odd bills. i'm not kidding you. he wanted to put $41 in a card. that had been ripped open. sarah kept the one dollar bill to save a little embarrassment for our branch of the woltjer family tree.



we arrived at the wedding a half an hour early. let me tell you, this has never happened. usually the bride and groom lie to ronald about the time of the wedding (an hour earlier, sometimes two) so that he will be there on time and not walk in during the vows. laugh, but it's happened more than once. and i've been in tow both times. bitter.

my uncle danny (we'll talk about him later) was videotaping the wedding (not sure if he was hired or just bored?) and was on top of every inch of footage he could get. like when the mother of the bride was escorted down the aisle by the usher to the front row and informed my grandfather that he needed to move over one seat. this process literally took about two minutes for my grandpa to actually stand up and move over a seat. but it's ok people, we got it on tape. i mean, we missed three bridesmaids walking down the aisle, but we will never forget that my grandfather sat in the fourth seat of the front row and not the third. and also that he was wearing his signature suit (tailored when he was in high school, roughly 60 years ago) and a trucker hat supporting his favorite state: florida. he wore it through the whole ceremony, including the prayers. such a gentleman. my mom would've had a stroke if she had seen that.

i missed most of the ceremony because little nate was ripping apart my necklace and clawing my chest (i still have scratch marks). he's a pretty cute kid though, he can get away with anything. even biting my eyebrow ring. thanks bud. but he almost ripped all of sarah's hair out, so i should really count my blessings.



overall it was a beautiful outdoor wedding. the reception was pretty great, the food exceeded the typical woltjer "ham sandwich bar". always a nice surprise. my dad recently discovered the "camera feature" on his blackberry and his been a picture whore ever since. he always seems to get the most "candid" shots of me. i pray he never learns how to send them/put them on his computer. as we were leaving he decided it would be a good idea for sarah and i to have a picture with our favorite grandpa. my g-pa literally was holding sarah's right boob in the picture. too great. and i'm so glad i was not on the side of his "good arm".

this is a really long story spattered with many woltjer family histories, and i'm sorry that you just spent ten minutes reading it. but this is my life. and i love it.

striking resemblance.

okay, so i will be the first to admit that i was "different" when i was a child. thank you to my eldest sister, pictures of my childhood self have been splattered all over facebook. and thank you to kayla flynn (friend? foe?) i have come to the realization that my childhood self bears a striking resemblance to nathan alnes. so here you go.

top 100 moments at LBBC summer 2008

ahh, the long awaited list. these are my favorite (or most memorable) 100 moments/things about lake beauty summer of '08. if i miss a few of yours, my apologies. but it's all about me anyways. it always has been. ha. here we go.

100. max's tanktop not meeting the two-inch strap requirement
99. heeey brandon! (not my favorite, but very memorable)
98. jamie (in full pirate accent of course): "blackbeard mounted forty guys..."
97. k-dawg informing me that my face is very distinct (in a good way)
96. jd and i choking on fire during outdoor chapel (makes g. of wonders quite worship-ful)
95. camper: "my face is numb"
great counselor (me): "why?"
camper: "i got hit in the face with a tetherball - AGAIN!"
94. charlie's runs..yum.
93. candy cane
92. manteen
91. nathan alnes as a lifeguard
90. serf camper explosions
89. senior high camper during chapel: "what does circumcise mean?"
88. the "counselor brake schedule" (i still have that one, by the way.)
87. to tell the truth anti-climaxes
86. brenda saying va-jay jay in front of a trailblazer
85. the rumor (s).
84. celebrity stories, sarah johnson: "hannah montana is my cousin."
83. bensonwells
82. the middle men: jacky, jerry, mickey, and nancy
81. i said a tail chicka tail!
80. princess genevieve
79. bazooks:

• chiggers
• punching me in the leg when i forgot to bring her to horses
• obsession with candy cane & hot chocolate

78. "it's so damn hot. milk was a baaaad choice."
77. my cousin's end of the week eval for paul:
comment on your counselor: annoying
76. clip clop
75. laying hands
74. bm's prayer stares
73. man spooning party next to the campfire during staff training
72. the quote board
71. the following conversation is taken out of context. do not be offended.
k-dawg: "aww i wanted to serve the meat!"
alan: "you can just flash mine!"
70. tiffanie's domination of the lost and found
69. having soup for lunch on 90+ degree days
68. u-turn night TB1:
camper: i have two questions. is max your boyfriend? can we play tetherball?
67. getting peed on by a TB en route to a bathroom from outdoor chapel
66. d lights
65. program staff playing texas hold em with wooddale's money
64. max clotheslining a trailblazer during a fieldgame
63. k-dawg exposing herself during the staff training photo scavenger hunt
62. melting eyebrows (family camp)
61. racing kflynn up the rock wall in flip flops (and dominating, mind you)
60. injured "pee-pees" during the water carnival
59. brenda going through jordan walz's legs on the slip n'slide
58. sarah walking horses in a clubbing top
57. duncan farting on chelsey on low ropes during staff training
56. kayla flynn's hog
55. jordan walz hitting the piano during the chisel skit (i warned him)
54. ben jacobi's chapel entrances (especially with the safari hat)
53. my beautiful tie-dye shirt
52. wrestling in the basement of edlund. and just in general.
51. mandatory staff bonding
50. max regifting michael's secret santa gift and giving it back to him.
49. jessa deach praying for the lifeguards before rotations:
jessa: "lord thank you for the lifeguards and all the hard work they do down at the waterfront"
rachel: *chuckles
jessa: "and also help rachel be mature..."
48. ebeth teaching jacobi the trustfall handhold
47. brenda's niece plugging her ears during the benediction
46. kflynn's serving mishaps

• "you have sausage written all over you"
• "hey bun!"

45. the camping trip

• "kayla flynn..." "what?" "was born with a tail..."
• downpour @ 6am

44. sarah trying to draw "hollaback girl" for pictionary during staff training
43. dancing to sexyback with bill during the extra week
42. ben michel taking out a JJ while dancing to undignified
41. tb1 wooddale chaos. chaos. chaos.
40. lice outbreaks
39. face-melting bonfire during senior high
38. sarah jean: "you have the cross-eyed girl in your cabin?!"
37. fruitful prayer war
36. cut-offs day (homage to JD)
35. chapel intros: i'm the subcontractor for crew 15, AKA THE ROOFERS!!!
34. the dam festival. nuff said.
33. land of the free, home of the awesome
32. the chapel let-in's controversy
31. max & the turtle
30. low ropes wall fiasco/bear attack/lost pants
29. mary lou!
28. verse girls strike
27. ben michel falling on top of me during the beans skit.
26. lanet: "i've never worn sunglasses before."
rachel: "is that a mennonite thing?"
25. helloooo everybody! (again, just memorable)
24. the missions video
23. kdawg: "tiffanie, shouldn't you be wearing gloves? that water is hot."
22. blunt head trauma
21. sarah's menstruating JJ
20. i am a CH
19. go to college!
18. tiffanie (during chapel skit): "that's what guns are for!" (cocks rifle)
17. k-dawg and sarah switching bras in edlund
16. capture the flag casualties
15. "put on a harness"
14. ben michel: "oh yeah!" (after i informed him that i was rubbing lotion all over my body)
13. praise that chelsey's homesick camper is no more.
12. k-dawg's dramatic discovery of her first stretch mark.
11. paul doing low ropes in a walking cast

and the much-awaited top 10....

10. nathan alnes: "put my wallet down!!"
- for those of you that weren't there/don't understand, i pity you. it was SUCH a quality moment

9. fugitive senior high moment #1:
ben michel: "ben, are you ok?"
amy (not ben): "umm, i'm amy.."

8. brandon: "ok, i have some good news and some bad news. the bad news is i'm leaving. the good news is that rachel woltjer is taking over!"
campers: (amidst much booing) "make her leave!!"

7. k-dawg: "you can't see me, but i can see you, and if you're not dancing i will KILL you!"

6. jacobi's cabin clean-up acceptance speech.

5. leland: "well you guys have fun whatever you're doing tonight!"
tiffanie (under her breath): sugar daddies...
leland (stops): "i sure hope not!..(continue 5minute speech about how every time they pass sugar daddies, he and his sons pull over and pray)"

4. flashed camper vomiting episode.

3. the movie theater kiss.

2. jacobi getting lost during fugitive senior high. and all the events that ensued.

1. hannah manitoba (celebrity paul hype)

the end. that took like 4 hours.

ID badges are long overdue

so every day on my way to class i walk through the biology hallway. they have a nice display of pictures of the professors. and every time i walk past professor bryan anderson's picture, i have to imagine what that photo session was like. "ok now bryan, i need you to cross your eyes, yep, that's good, ok now look at the ceiling, yep that's great, now give me a big fake smile!" i hate to mock him (well sort of) because i don't know him, but i look at this as more of a "thank you" for putting a smile on my face every afternoon.

this picture also reminds me of one of my top 3 favorite office episodes: conflict resolution. if you haven't seen it, go rent season 2 (episode 21) and watch it. i can only imagine how disappointed dwight would be in bryan's picture.

"I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. Whenever anyone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for it's life." -- Dwight Schrute

change. is good.

i can't believe how much i've changed in a year.
coming out of high school, i was a pretty confident person.
my friends were comfortable with ridiculousness and i could do anything i wanted around them.
last summer, along with the "crew", i started casually drinking.
the casual turned into a bit more of a drunken phase.
i came into college seeking out those who were covenant breakers along with me.
i found a few. we hung out.
definitely blew a couple good friendships with my immature habits.
i was far from reaching my potential.
i became quite the homebody and lived in my room and on my floor.
going home for christmas break i couldn't help but be disappointed.
i fought everything inside me to go back for second semester.
i prayed for friends..odd..but i really didn't have any.
and quickly..very quickly..they arrived.
i was at a point where i was like 84% rachel.
which was pretty good.
the year dwindled down and just got worse.
much worse.
i didn't know who i was anymore.
as bethel freshman year came to a close, lake beauty neared.
i had zero expectations for lbbc..maybe a few bad ones.
got to camp, the first few days of staff training confirmed my lack of excitement.
gah, another 3 months of suckiness.
nope, not so much.
sarah jean johnson had some different plans for my summer.
according to brian alnes she "ripped me out of my shell".
spooning in a tent during a rainstorm will do that to ya.
things began to blossom.
i'd go to bed smiling (?) even though i was sleep-deprived and starving.
people appreciated my presence for once.
i had people to confide in.
i loved every second of my summer.
every second.
i loved living in a place 24/7 that i actually fit in.
twas great.
i was introduced to the "well of friendship".
my friends at camp changed my life.
i miss them.
i long for them (?).
leaving camp was one of the hardest things i've ever had to do.
saying goodbye to people i didn't have solid plans to see again.
amidst the chaos of camp i forgot that i had to go back.
to bethel.
a place that i currently was afraid of.
hoping sophomore year wasn't a sappy sequel.
this past month has been so hard.
i don't know what to do with myself.
there aren't bells telling me where to go and what to do.
i miss the busyness.
so as blessed as i feel for an amazing summer, i'm distraught with what to do now.
i was reading my bible last night (of course, i go to bethel.)
came across a fitting psalm.
"He renews my strength".
i had an immense strength this summer.
a confidence.
it's gone now.
but He renews it.
He will.
college is looking up.
i haven't had a drink in just about a year.
the habit gets old.
i just feel like i've grown up a lot.
petty problems disappear.
my roommates are phenom.
i'm starting to count my lbbc blessings for what they were.
and are.
but it's time to move on.
aaaaand go.